Have you all been anxiously awaiting part 2? Hanging on the edge of your seat? :) Make sure if you haven't read Part 1 to read it before this post so this one makes sense. :) And now set aside some time, because this one is a bit long... just trying to make sure I give you all the details!!
No laughing allowed........ :o) And let's NOT pin this one, OK? OK.
We talk about the things that are different in the revised sentence:
*I changed the word put to placed, making it more vivid.
*I also replaced STOMPED with POUNDED- both are vivid, but POUNDED makes an impact in all capital letters, too.
*I used the preposition across instead of on because I thought it fit better with POUNDED.
*I changed the adverb underneath to below.
The students write their sentences and I allow the ones who volunteer to share; the rest of the class listens for the revisions and shares what they hear. It's very important that you stress to them they are keeping the meaning of the sentence, but just making it sound better. Once they learn Thursday's task, they will sometimes get confused and want to change the meaning of the sentence. Just remind them that they won't do that until the next day...
Again, I share my example with them and we compare how it is the same as the mentor sentence:
My dog dropped one stinky-smelly-surprise in front of me and BARKED for me to clean it up.
I bounced the basketball with my super-sweaty-super-sized hand and threw the basketball into the white netted hoop.
My mom made the best-blasting-booming with taste pasta and my brothers and I devoured it.
Jeremy bought delicious-dreamy-delicate brownies from the Debie Snack store and he STUFFED the brownies in his mouth and ate it.
Perfect sentences? No. But better than those boring ol' sentences I'd be getting otherwise? Absolutely!! And YES! They do try to incorporate the elements and structure of mentor sentences into their own writing! I have seen improvements in my students writing over the last few years while using mentor sentences.
Every Friday, I give a mentor sentence quiz. The quiz requires them to edit the sentence that they've been seeing ALL week, and it assesses whatever skill we worked on as the focus for that week. It sometimes also spirals back to include skills that were previous focuses but also showed up in this sentence. For example, in this week's sentence, I focused on the fact that it was compound (last week was complex). But we also talked about the alliteration in "big-black-beautiful" which was a previous focus in our figurative language unit and another mentor sentence... so I included it on the quiz!
|FYI: this is one of my ELL students! Yippee!|